Am I the problem?

The way to solve different problems in our lives is obviously, to see where the root of it is. I have realized a lot of things about myself over the past 13 years that I didn't before and have worked on them to try and become a better me. It doesn't end overnight though...

I often times wonder if the reason why I am not finding a partner is not anything with them... but intrinsically something with me?? Do I do things (on a subconscious level) that make it difficult for either one of us to stay in the relationship? Am I being too nit-picky, using different "guidelines" as my basis and not deviating from those?

It seems the road to self-awareness is realizing that I am the common denominator in all of these relationships, so there must be something in me that needs to be "fixed" or "tweaked".

Friendships

Everyone needs friends... men, women - all of us need someone to talk to. Women .... we survive and thrive on the friendships we build and create. They are as fundamental as breathing to us. Men have friends to go out and watch games with, grab a bite to eat and bond. Women, we have friends to validate us, to build support systems and networks for ourselves. This is how we cope in the world. Our friends are essentially an extension of us. We find in them similar qualities and some qualities we seek to better in ourselves. They are our sounding boards, advisors, confessors and conspirators. They revel in all of the wonderful things that may happen in our lives: weddings, birthdays, accomplishments, births. They also help us through the hard times: deaths, break ups, divorces, work issues.... the list goes on. Friends see us at our highest points and at our lowest. Still they continue to love us.

Not everyone will be a "best" friend. All fill different roles in different areas of our lives. What we have to do is determine which area they help us in the most and let them shine there. There also comes a time, when we need to also realize that some friendships have run their course... there may be no going back. When lines are crossed that should never be crossed. Trying to step back over them is an almost impossible feat - going back is not always an option. Friendships are fragile and need to be nurtured. Lets listen closely to what our friends tell us. This is how we know what their limits, boundaries and breaking points are. Just because someone is your friend does not automatically mean that any wrong action will be glossed over or forgiven. Feelings get hurt, pride is stung and words are spoken that can never be taken back.

All of us should be grateful for the friends we have. Why? Because of these friends we are where we are today, we are WHO we are and we continue to grow as people. Even if someone is no longer a friend in our life, they still taught use something about ourselves.

Friendships make the world go round and life a far better place to live. I am thankful for everyone single one of mine. You all rawk!!! <3

Peez and luv :)

xoxoxoxo

My Box

We all have one. That safe bubble that we live within, ideas we have, things we do that are routine and standard. We stay within those confines because that is what we know... no need to worry about anything. No need to grow or try new things. It is nice and easy. Let's be honest - living with what we know and is "safe" is far simpler than venturing out side of that comfort zone and trying out new things.

I feel this is the decade for me to really discover myself and who I am. I am ready to meet someone ... whenever that may be. But I need to lay the ground work within me to make that happen. I also need to learn to accept things about myself and how others see me to make it work. That is also not an easy task. That prospect is terrifying , but with out that how will I become who I am really supposed to be? What if all the hardships and trials I have lived through all lead me to this point so that I could take that step, that leap and spread my wings? The only way to find out is by doing it.

So I am not making a New Year's Resolution... I am making it a Decade Goal: To go outside my comfort zone or "box", to love myself and to accept myself. Here is to an amazing 10 years!

Fathers and daughters

I spent a good part of this weekend thinking about the relationship that fathers and daughters have. It is as fundamental in a woman's life as the connection that men have with their mothers. I think it runs much deeper than that for us women though.

A good father loves, cherishes, nurtures and supports his daughter. He teaches her through all these actions that she is worthy of all this and much more. He hands her the world and lets her believe that anything is possible, thus laying the foundation for the standard of respect she will expect from a man/husband/partner. All men will have to compare to her father, they will need to live up to the "ideal" that he creates for her. I am envious of the women who have wonderful fathers, those who will do anything to make their "little girls" happy.

Some of us, were not so lucky to have a good father. They were either indifferent, working too much or never around. Many of you know that my father was far from wonderful... he was more like Lucifer incarnate on this planet. Through his actions he taught me that I am not worthy of love and acceptance, and that no one would actually want to be around me. It has taken me a lot of years and inner struggle to get through some of the crap he heaped on me, and I admit it is still an ongoing battle and a learning process at the same time. I had a wonderful mother, but she can never replace the acceptance and love I wanted as a little girl from my dad.

For all the men out there who are fathers and have daughters, take heed: love them, support them and show them through your words and actions that they deserve nothing but the very best. Their lives will be so much better for it.