I feel so uncertain and unstable. I finally made a positive step forward in my life... but I feel a bit lost, almost adrift. What I broke from was, in a sense, a security blanket for me. I used that situation in my life as an excuse for me to not move forward. Now that I have realized that and taken the steps to fix that, I feel for lack of a better word... exposed.
I feel emotionally naked and vulnerable. I hate feeling weak. I have always striven to be strong and not let things get to me. I do break down at times (alone, at home in the dark, with just Pepper) and those times are few and far between. I try never to cry and vent most of my emotions through writing in my journal. This way it helps keep me on an even keel and not a lot of emotional ups and downs.
But this feeling open and raw... is a terrifying thing. It leaves me open to a lot of hurt and pain. I know it is the place where I need to be at right now in my life, but boy is it a scary prospect. The road ahead looms long and painful. I know that for me to have a truly authentic and good relationship, I need to be more emotionally available. But it goes against everything I have on all these years to make myself immune. So now I have to start taking each of those bricks down, one by one, and I really get freaked thinking about it. But I will do it... because I am not the type or person to run from what lies ahead of me. I face it head on.
I feel emotionally naked and vulnerable. I hate feeling weak. I have always striven to be strong and not let things get to me. I do break down at times (alone, at home in the dark, with just Pepper) and those times are few and far between. I try never to cry and vent most of my emotions through writing in my journal. This way it helps keep me on an even keel and not a lot of emotional ups and downs.
But this feeling open and raw... is a terrifying thing. It leaves me open to a lot of hurt and pain. I know it is the place where I need to be at right now in my life, but boy is it a scary prospect. The road ahead looms long and painful. I know that for me to have a truly authentic and good relationship, I need to be more emotionally available. But it goes against everything I have on all these years to make myself immune. So now I have to start taking each of those bricks down, one by one, and I really get freaked thinking about it. But I will do it... because I am not the type or person to run from what lies ahead of me. I face it head on.
